By Ross Pfenning
With the impending day of spirits, ghouls and costumed chicanery fast approaching, it seems most anyone with access to a blog or some social media outlet is attempting to jump on the trend-wagons of #halloween or #trickortreat. So, in the eternal spirit of “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” we give you the following fantastical feature.
For the duration of this blog post, I have one simple request: Allow yourself to believe – just for a couple of minutes – that vampires, werewolves, wizards and witches, along with all the other supernatural creatures of legend, do, in fact, exist; that they breathe the same air as you and even walk down the same dimly lit streets you do. Was that a chill or did it just get colder in here?
So, if these creatures really do exist, it raises one critically important question: Why is the (mortal) world so convinced they do not? And here’s the only ‘logical’ answer I can fathom: Someone or something is pulling off the most masterful PR campaign the world has never seen. I’m dubbing it “Unreal PR: Public relations for all beings who are mythical, legendary or otherwise fabled—and want to stay that way.”
To uncover this mysterious enterprise, we’re going to examine some of the PR tactics these folkloric fiends have likely employed – as long as they don’t get to us first!
As anyone involved in the public scene knows, anticipating the next territorial werewolf dispute or vampire feeding frenzy is the key to keeping a situation under control. By pre-emptively developing and continually updating plans for different crises, the powers that be are able to regulate the release of information to the public, giving them time to perform damage control and deliver a situation-appropriate message.
Of course, in the case of paranormal occurrences, the general public’s dedicated unwillingness to accept things which cannot be explained with cold, hard facts and forensics lends a massive assist to those attempting to cover up the possible discovery of their kind. So, the headline “Amateur Wizard Accidently Ignites Warehouse in Attempt to Woo Girlfriend” becomes “Unattended Gas Leak Leads to Inferno on the Docks.” “Wrestling Giants Use City’s Buildings as Bludgeons” instead reads “First Earthquake in County History Levels Entire City Block.”
As for the eyewitnesses, who knows what happened to them?
Consistency of message
Not only is it critical to get out ahead of a crisis, but also to create and circulate a standard message that is echoed and reinforced in subsequent deliveries. Electing trained spokespeople to handle all interviews and briefings mitigates any chance of incompatible or otherwise incongruent messages from being communicated to the public.
While this “monster” of a PR campaign has inarguably been successful, it has not been without its share of complications. In carrying on such an elaborate deception for so long, mistakes have inevitably been made. Now whether some have been purposeful – to keep us guessing – or purely accidental, it’s hard to tell. But one has to wonder: Why do we have so many competing theories on the best ways to kill a vampire?
Knowing your audience and medium
No, I’m not talking about crystal balls or a séance. Crucial to delivering the right message is knowing who will be receiving it and how. More often than not, there are multiple, distinct parties seeking explanation after a crisis has occurred. While, for the sake of expediency, it is appropriate for the first public address to take more of a one-size-fits-all approach, subsequent messages should be tailored to each of the different audiences to quell their respective concerns. Of course, it is necessary to also take into account the medium by which the messages will be delivered. The public at large may accept a news broadcast and a few well-worded, sincere tweets, but stakeholders potentially affected by the situation will require greater, more personalized attention.
The general public is a skeptical bunch, except for matters concerning supernatural events. Time and again, the oblivious, disbelieving humans conveniently play right into the hands of the otherworldly deceivers. They may have our number, but where our antiquated antagonists fall a bit short is in their comprehension of modern communication. Vampires might have superhuman speed and agility going for them, but that doesn’t mean they can necessarily compete with a teenager on a smartphone (unless they’re a teenage vampire who was recently turned, in which case GAME OVER). News travels lightning-fast these days, so it’s more important than ever to respond to crises faster than a witch on turbo-charged broomstick. The trick comes in doing so without sounding like a senseless zombie.
As for the treat, who doesn’t like a PR win? Those magical, mythical, monstrous types certainly do. And let’s be real, they’re probably in the act of hunting down each and every person currently reading this post. Your only hope now is to share this information with everybody you can! Then run and hide. Just make sure to take your phone with you so you can document the experience in 140-character increments. And pics or it didn’t happen!
Photo courtesy of Daniel Hollister’s Flickr photostream.